Friendship is a difficult thing. Some people have friends they had in school those are the lucky ones. If you are like me on the other hand you have gone through a lot of friends, a lot of fall outs & a lot of me losing my shit haha. I had been searching for my tribe for 28 years, constantly having fake friendships & people who only care about themselves. I mean at one point i went years without anyone asking me how I was yet I was constantly listening to them. I am happy to listen to anyone’s problems & I’ll never tell anyone what to do only what I would do so I’m also happy to give advice in a way. I’m happy to help anyone whether I know them well or not. I am just the type of person who likes to help others. Some think I am too soft & people use me as a door mat which in some ways is true, really it just depends on the person.
My history with friendships is pretty sad & pathetic. Even back in high school. I was the flavour of peoples month every so often. So I would jump from group to group depending on who was “friends” with me at the time. I hung out in every group at some point or another (even the popular group).It was like playing pass the parcel but I was the parcel. I would get really invested in people just for them to fall out with me 2 weeks later.
Now the issue here is that I have Borderline Personality Disorder & one of the problems with having this disease is that I struggle to form real relationships & often get myself in bad situations due to the fact I will trust someone who I barely know. I can’t see a good relationship from a bad one. Probably why I have gone out with horrible men. I was negative in my thinking because I never had a long lasting anything relationship wise, the only lasting relationship in my life was with my grandparents who raised me, but then my grandma died. But that’s a whole different story for another time.I trust people too easily & only with age & experience I have learned to be a little less trusting & get to know the person & who they are, also whether they are real or fake. I mean come on how many fake people do you get on social media, it is unreal. People stealing others photos so they can pretend to be them but with a different name. Then they ask you for money I mean really come on now, there’s no need for it. Be YOU & be PROUD to be you. There is nothing wrong with being yourself that how you will attract the right people for you. Why would you want to be someone else? Cause they are better looking or look like they have a more exciting life… nah mate I’d rather be me and be happy with who I have become in this life. Every experience molds us into who we are as an adult. I mean I may be screwed up & not the best looking or have an exciting life but I wouldn’t change me for the world.
So throughout my life I’ve had different kinds of friendships but in reality none of them have lasted even a year apart from one group of friend who lasted like 9 years but when I became disabled they all fled like the rest. It’s hard enough hearing you’ll be in horrific pain the rest of your life & unable to even walk to the shop at the end of my street without being pushed in my wheelchair, but to then be ignored by your friends & not have any support from them is just a bit much. You always think your friends will be there to lift you up & I understand that they have their own lives to contend with but when you get news as big as that you want the support, you want to be told everything will be alright & they will be there for you. But nah they all walked away from me & basically just left me to rot if I didn’t have Brian I would of been completely lost.
So after that happened & I went a bit mental at one of them which totally made me feel better. I decided to change my attitude towards people & I am so glad that I did because I have found my true friends who I know will be with me for life. Lisa you are my sunshine, you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met. You are so rational & level headed & also understanding of peoples problems. You are truly a blessing in disguise. I love you so much it is unreal you are my guardian angel & we will take over this world together one day at a time as we rant about… well EVERYTHING. Tesni my happy camper you are one of the funniest people I know & we literally joke about it all. You name it we joke about it. We probably offend a lot of people but what does it matter as long as we are laughing. Love you girl you are a true friend through & through even if I do need to do all the confrontations for you haha.
Until next time xoxo