Have you ever felt lonely or without friends? That everyone has friends bar you & the “friends” you’re meant to have don’t bother with you & you’re constantly making an effort to get nothing in return? That was me a few years ago before I went back to network marketing & met the most amazing best friends in the world. Big shout out to Lisa & Tesni, love you both aĺl around the world 100000x.
In high school I was the weird kid you didn’t talk to. Guys would be into me but be too embarrssed to admit it. That’s the kinda chick I was. I was a rock chick (still am) & that was out of sorts in the early 00s, I listened to all kinds of rock music & wore baggy clothes & converse or vans – oh how times have changed because everyone wears them now & listens to rock music. I hated high school it was rough. The rumour mill at its finest. When I dropped out of primary school the rumour mill went to work – I had killed a man, I was pregnant, I was all sorts. Same thing happened again when I dropped out of high school one of which was that I was dead. No-one really checked in with me when I dropped out of school because I had no real friends I was just the flavour of the week with people. No friendship lasting & I see all these people with friends they’ve had since high school maybe even longer than that & I feel jealous of them or atleast I used to.
The summer after I dropped out of school I was with a guy I went school with who was 3 years my senior & physically/verbally abused me. We were on holiday in Spain (the last holiday I took) in my family’s apartment. Apart from all the abuse it was a good holiday but it also made me realise I had to get away from him so I did. I then became agoraphobic & couldn’t leave the house out of fear. This went on for months then I got back in touch with one friend who was a secret type friend, in school we would message on msn constantly but in person I would say hey & get a quick hi as he walked passed me to get to his friends. When we got back in touch while I was dealing with relationship problems (my ex was not disappearing without a fight – literally), we would talk for hours on msn I was so happy to have a friend it was unreal cause my life evolved around my ex. Eventually I agreed to go round to his, he lived round the corner. We ended up best mates (or so I thought). I would go to his a lot & we would have a drink & smoke & sing & dance & chat. Then his feelings for me started to grow & he couldn’t be my friend anymore. This happened several times ending with him screaming at me blaming my dog for changing me, only thing that my dog cherry did was make me happier but back to the first time. By that point I was getting close to a girl who was his sister’s friend.
The following summer I met all these new people who stayed my friends for years we go in & out of touch but they were ALWAYS my friends & I would of called them my friends up till a few months ago. They were there for years but now I realise that very few of them were in it for me it was all about them. I would set them up with guys I knew, or spend my time talking to them about their problems & that’s got to be my biggest vice – I give more than people deserve. I also would introduce them to people I knew who they are now more friendly with than me.
Recently my ex best mate got married the day after my birthday now despite being best friends for years & me constantly trying to reach out, even having a go at him for how shitty a friend he had been, did I get invited? No chance I was the ONLY ONE out of everyone that did not get invited. Now should I of let this hurt me… No but did it yes. Cause I thought that no matter what we would be at each other’s weddings. Do you know what I mean? Because at weddings you invite all your friends past & present, people who gave made an impact on your life. I wasnt expecting to be invited to the actual wedding but reception yeah. Anyway this has proved to me that they have all moved on & so should I. I deserve real friends who want to be in my life & love me for me.
I’m just me & that’s all I can be. Love me or hate me I’ll always be myself. I can’t be a people pleaser because it’s not in me.
So let’s fire up to now. Now I have some amazing friends & best mates that I wouldn’t change for the world. Lisa you are the most amazing woman I know. You uplift me when I’m feeling down or give me a penguin slap if I need it. You empower so many woman despite all the crap you’ve been through & that is truly inspirational. You have a kind heart & maybe not everyone gets to see that but I’m honoured to know it. I’m honoured to know all about you – the good & the bad. You’ve helped me move on from so much in my life & I’ll never be ale to thank you enough for that I love you to pieces babe. Tesni you are my child at heart. You make me laugh so much & you totally spoiled me for my birthday just you wait for yours lol. You are so immature (in a good way) & hilarious. You’re stunning & you have uber banter. You are too amazing not to be someone in this life. You’re gonna be the next “it” girl I just know it. You’ll smash your business & move onto greater things with the opportunities being flung at you. You can do anything you put your mind to babe love you to ribbons! & last but not least Concetta you have supported & believed in me more than I deserve. You’re a beautiful soul & are helping me bring my dreams to the foreground & made me think that it is possible to get them. I shall never be able to repay you for everything you’ve done for me. You are superstar in the making. You’ll do amazing things with life & you are a true friend, anyone in your life is truly blessed & you’ll make a kick ass mum. Love you babe!
To everyone else in my life & who’s stuck around, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You all mean a lot to me & I am truly blessed to be in the position I’m in. You’re all amazing.
The most important thing to know is that you didn’t give up, you tried you may not of won but you tried & that’s the important thing. If people choose not to be in your life that’s their loss not yours. You’re better than that. Don’t let anyone get you down, don’t allow them that control. You’ll meet your true friends when you least expect it. Maybe it’ll be me. Much love & until next time xoxo