12th June 2018

Blossoming into yourself is euphoric!

‏What do I mean about blossoming into yourself? I mean growing up, I mean coming from one place to another, starting out as one person in your youth & becoming someone different as an adult. Now I may say change but for me it was a completely different situation. For me it was coming to terms with the real me, being stuck in one situation & having to deal with that & getting passed it & moving onto my new life.

Some of you mature as you get older, some become famous, some become people of business, some have kids young, others kids older… there’s also different ways we can turn out. There’s so many factors that can make us who we are. We are all like snowflakes – unique.

The one thing I’ve learnt in my life is the older you get, the less of a fuck you give. When I was a preteen/teenager I cared about everything – my hair, my clothes, other peoples opinions of me…etc. I was so insecure about everything around me. I was so insecure that I couldn’t see the blessings I had.

I got bullied majorly throughout my school life & then again in relationships. I had no self esteem I had nothing too me. Constautly needing reassurance & trying to get people to understand me – an easy task do 😉. I even tried people pleasing but my face wouldn’t let me lie, it always gave me away & my true feelings were exposed.

Over the years trying to find friends, which hasn’t been easy. I tried all different approaches & the one thing in common with it all is that I was an easy target to blame everything on. Rough relationships – my fault, told secrets (when I wasn’t the one announcing that) – my fault, family problems – my fault, texting I never did – my fault. I’l give you an example of the last one  so I woke up one day to two messages both from “friends”. So first one was “stop messaging my wife” I’ll be honest to this day I don’t know her name. & the second “why are you messaging …’s wife? What’s your problem with her?”. So I replied to the first one saying “I’ve not what are you talking about?” He later blocked me instead of giving anyone proof. I then replied to the second messaging explaining that I didn’t even know her name let alone want to break anyone up. I didn’t know he was getting married… nothing. Just goes to show that people only tell you what they want to I then got bullshit back like “oh come on it’s posted all over his Facebook” I have over 3000 friends do you really think that I’m gonna see one person’s posts? I barely ever saw posts from him ever! So she clearly didn’t believe me because she unfriended me the next day. I let Brian read all the different conversations & he saw that #1 I didn’t message his wife cause I don’t delete any conversations & #2 that I never said anything out of order like if he would flirt I’d make a joke of it. Never treading into those serious zones. Now the old me would of worried sick about it all but where I have blossomed I now realise that it’s not my problem it’s theirs, in their mid 30s to 40s & they act this way no chance. So I blocked them. Wasn’t putting up with bullshit. Don’t believe me when I’m telling the truth then I don’t want you to see my profile because most of it is public. I just don’t care anymore. I am entitled to feel how I feel, which is upset & pissed off, just as they are entitled to feel how they do but if I was guilty I’d of been full of excuses all I said was that I didn’t do it & I don’t even know her name in order to message her. It wasn’t an excuse to this day I still don’t know it. I mean I wish them all the happiness in the world but I don’t need that bullshit in life. Who else is the same? So blocked. Simple as that. My block list is huge. I wonder if anyone I’ve blocked is reading this #awkward.

Anyway…  Who I am now. Now I’m more confident within myself, yes I’m insecure about my body but I’ll get there with that, I don’t people please, I don’t change depending on who I’m talking, I’m me 💯per cent of the time. I’m like marmite you’ll either love me or hate me. In my experience since I started loving me for me more people are attracted to me as in want to be my friend!

The way I see things now is that there’s no point in negativity what does it accomplish? Nothing so try being positive & upbeat. I do a few things to help me with this & this is me sharing my secrets with you.

● Talk to your besties.

● Listen to motivational videos on YouTube

● Take my Juice Plus Premium Capsules (that’ fruit, veg & berries) buy from my sister Tesni – add her here.

● Listen to upbeat music & sing along to my hearts content.

● Have a cuppa herbal tea & concentrate on my breathing.

● Write a list of everything that makes you blessed.

● Read a book that could teach you something.

So on & so fourth. I’m sure there’s things that you do to put yourself in a positive uplifting mood but those are options.

Let’s bring it up closer to now. Just over a year ago I was so negative, no confidence in myself, no friends, never leaving the flat. Letting the negative factors in my life control & overwhelm me. Now a year on & i am finally happy. I actually smile, laugh & have friends. Things I convinced myself I didn’t deserve, I now have or do in my life. So I just keep thinking I’m here for a reason & I’m gonna take every opportunity going!

Don’t let negativity rule your life. You’ll get nowhere because those negative feelings like depression, low self esteem, body dismorphia, jealousy, anti-social behaviour…etc. All these things are just examples of negative thinking cycles & illnesses. These things don’t define you, not a chance, they are just things that are apart of you but they don’t define you as a whole!

Right the whole point to this post is to try & explain that you can blossom at any age but you need to be ready it’s taken me till nearly 30 to become a positive person & I definitely wouldnt call myself an expert or anything I’m learning new things all the time. If I can change my life ANYBODY can. Simple as that. Eventually one day you come to terms with the fact you shouldn’t be anyone else but you. & you are unique & beautiful & very special like a butterfly coming out the cocoon or a snowflake or a flower blossoming in the spring. These are all amazing, unique things & so are we all. We are blossoming into beautiful flowers all different kinds, all over the world. I now have everything I could ask for – my family, a roof over my head & food in my belly, true friends & people who inspire me. Really that’s all you need in life.

Until next time xoxo

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